Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Just let it go

Angel is starting to get up and move around some in chapters 9 & 10. She is starting to feel a little better since her beating from Magowen. Her physical wounds are starting to heal but the wounds in her soul are far from it. Angel is unable to start a fire and make a stew and this makes her severely angry. She is mad that she can’t do it, that she has to do this and that she is there in the first place. Have you ever been as frustrated and angry as Angel is feeling right now? It can be over something big or something minimal but sometimes it can be easy to get so mad, so fast.

I know first hand from this morning how easy it can be. I was trying to get the car seat out of the car so I could leave it at the daycare for later. And those great but annoying safety latches are down in the seat SOOO tight. I was struggling and getting so frustrated that it was so tight and I couldn’t do it and my hand was hurting plus I don’t want to be late getting my son to school and to me it felt like this was taking forever!!! I get so frustrated and think forget it I will just deal with this somehow later. I’m all mad and slam the car door and go join the kids inside. I calm down come back out to the car and decide to try one more time. I go in there and I am able to finally get the car seat out. It still hurt my hand but it was done and I realized how silly I was to get so frustrated over something so little. Writing about it now makes me sound even sillier but I write as a reminder that we all have moments like these sometimes and it’s important for us to just let it go and acknowledge how silly we are. Someone wise always says you have to know how to pick your battles; and fighting with the car seat is definitely not worth it. How appropriate God had that lesson to impress upon me today as I read through Angel’s frustration.

At the end of chapter 9 is where Angel first hears a voice in her mind and she rebels against it. She holds on to her anger and lashes it out at Michael. It is amazing how calm Michael can be with how she throws her body at him in chapter 10. Of course Michael does have help from the faith he has in his Father. He has the self-discipline to walk away from her when she is fighting him with her body. I think as Michael tells the story of Hosea from the Bible to Angel, something stirs inside of her because deep down she is beginning to care for Michael but she won’t acknowledge or recognize those feelings. Angel can barely even recognize the romantic gesture that Michael does for her in Chapter 11. He takes her and shows her a gorgeous sunrise, just the two of them in God’s great creation. As I read along I am thinking about how romantic it is and Angel is thinking about leaving. She is always thinking about leaving. It just makes my heart ache for her because of all her past she can’t give in to the love he has for her and is trying to give her. What is true for so many people is the same for Angel; to receive love they must first love themselves. And Angel does not love herself. She thinks she is incapable of receiving love because of what she has been brought up to think and feel. If you feel similar to Angel because of things in your past, I’m sorry. It doesn’t have to be that way though, God will help you let it go. You have a God in heaven that loves you with a redeeming love and wants you to have it. All you have to do is accept it. I hope as you read through this book you are able.

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